Tuesday, October 30, 2007

First New Thoughts

I was inspired to start this blog as a result of another blog I found: http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/. That blog’s author emailed me a comment about a rant I had written on my local Craigslist Rant and Rave board, which was about online dating and the less than satisfying responses I received from a M4W I posted on CL, in which I mentioned that I had sensual, sexual submissive tendencies. He included the link to his blog and I started reading it with great interest since I am trying to figure out this world of BDSM, male submission and female dominance specifically, and understand if this is really my trip.

For some time now I have been on this personal romantic, relationship and sexual odyssey to understand my submissive tendencies that I stumbled upon some years back through unexpected encounters with a couple women I had been involved with (not at the same time, for the record). At some point perhaps I will get into the back story as to what happened and how the encounters unfolded, but for now I just want to set the stage, get the tone, intention and direction of this blog established.

When these tendencies first emerged in me, at least at a conscious level, I had little experience with them and felt a little embarrassed, ashamed and awkward about them. I was unsure of what to do with them. All I knew is that certain things happened that turned me on and brought out a passion in me that when connected with the right woman was like a wild electrical storm of ecstatic sensual and sexual fulfillment. Of course I’ve learned that it takes more than just sexual compatibility to make a relationship and for now I will summarize to say that as exciting as things were, these couple relationships didn’t last. But what they did do was open a Pandora’s Box of passion and desire that has sent me searching for the right woman with whom to create a full blown, mutually satisfying relationship in and out of bed, which includes certain dynamics between us that connect my submissive desires and tendencies with her intellect, emotion, consciousness of her feminine power, command, and shall we say dominant tendencies.

Because we live in a world that likes to rank, classify and define things, thus limiting them in some cases, I fell into the overall understanding and assumption that I was submissive. That term is problematic to me. There is a lot of classification, definition, limitation, expectation and baggage associated with it. Ironically, in spite of those neat constructs, there also appears to be a lot of difference of opinion as to what exactly that is, looks like, feels like, should be and what one should do if they are labeled submissive. I am still very much in the process of learning more about that, and the more I learn, the more I get the feeling that what I have called my submissive tendencies and desires, although real in and of themselves, are a part of a different kind of relationship that I need to define in order to find. It is one that lacks the rules and harsh edges of the traditional male sub and femdom relationship that to me at times appears both scary and also cartoonish.

Thus I am on a new quest, and thus exploring new thoughts. Part of my quest involves figuring out if and where I might fit within the broader scope of male sub and femdom relationships, but realizing that more than likely what I really need to do is define something new, something outside “the norm” of these kind of relationships, even though I am well aware that they are not “the norm” in the larger context of sexuality and “normal” or “vanilla” relationships in our society.

So, with that said, I set sail. Wish me luck.

Intelligent, thoughtful, conscious observations and perspectives will be greatly appreciated. I will try to maintain that stance even when we are in disagreement.

Blog Housekeeping Note: I have a bit of a backlog of things I have already written which I will be posting soon…more or less immediately. They will hopefully provide more fodder for discussion and meditation.


SplasherGirl said...

If you've had kinky experiences with women you didn't think of as kinky, it might be that you naturally attract women who are into the sort of thing you're looking for, and that you bring out their dominant tendencies. You might do best if you just try to build relationships with women who turn you on, and then try to interest thim in kink. If you haven't run across it already, I think it would be a good idea for you to read Sexual Power for Women by Georgeann Cross. If it describes the sort of relationship you want, or even something close to what you want, you could give a copy to your next girlfriend and see what she does with it.

NTM said...

Thanks splashergirl; I'll check that book out. Raising the subject is one of the major challenges in relationships with vanilla lovers. I suppose I have made my attempts through words and actions, but more often than not they are either ignored or rejected, which of course is unpleasant. I think in a couple cases I have brought out their dominant sides and it has been mutually exciting, rewarding and satisfying. Since it was all new to me I didn't always know how to nurture it properly.

By the way, I'm glad you made your way here. Thanks for reading and commenting.